Motoring Thoughts

An Hour in the Life of Ben

In the hour spanning from 4:30 PM to 5:30 PM, I have done the following:

1.       Got honked at by a really pissed off trucker trying to turn left from the median into a gas station. Apparently, I wasn’t turning left fast enough (his words, not mine). Instead of flicking him off like I always do, I stopped in the gas station and waited till he was parked as well before I explained my cautious nature with a car that is not mine. I thanked him for trying to do his job at maximum efficiency, and in the end, we shook hands.

2.       Had a short discussion with Lee about why school finals are more important than Bible Studies. Also talked about how practice for our offering song is sucking ass and all the reasons for it. Left with a sour taste in my mouth.

3.       Paid $47.00 for twelve gallons of gas. Nearly had a heart attack. My immediate solution: drink caffeine.

4.       Stuck in traffic on Loop 1604 with no A/C (no, it’s not broken, it’s a choice. People can’t hear my Led Zeppelin if the windows are up). Took off my shirt, wearing only my Under Armour. To my left was a Honda full of chicks from Northwest Vista. While some of them just smiled and giggled, one made a motion with her hand and mouth for a blow job. Per my logic, one of two things had transpired: Either I had reached a level of sexual appeal that women will publicly offer blow jobs, or the heat just makes some girls horny.

5.       Drove circles in the UTSA parking lots for fifteen minutes look for open spaces. Just my luck, a car parked closest to the campus is pulling out right in front of me. As I wait, I look behind me, and there’s this girl in a Jeep Liberty, who let my out of a particular parking lot when other jackasses wouldn’t. I’m feeling nice, so I motion to her to take the parking space that was just opened up to me. She smiles, blows kisses, and I drive off, on the prowl for another parking spot.

a.       Let me reiterate what had just transpired: I GAVE UP ONE OF THE BEST SPOTS IN UTSA TO A GIRL, AND ENDED UP PARKING SOME 500 YARDS AWAY FROM THE MAIN CAMPUS. Here at UTSA, that is excellent grounds for getting laid.

So, moral of the story is, no matter how crummy of a day you’re having, what you do with it determines how happy you will be.

Riding Ass (And Other Fantastic Habits)

Let me just come out by saying I HATE driving in San Antonio. I absolutely HATE IT. I drive daily on the west side of Loop 1604, and watching what people do and don’t do makes me shake my head in disgust. My most frequent comment while driving is “Who the fuck gave you a license?”, and is usually followed by “Introduce him to me so I can punch him in the testicles.”

Not to say that I am not without my own flaws. I have what I call a “spirited” style of driving, while Dad calls it “fucking crazy”. Yes, I admit I drive quickly, and sharply, and I’ll accelerate the Fusion so hard the A/C compressor dies for a few seconds. But I rarely speed, and I keep a constant awareness around me at all times. And believe me, with all the other jackasses who aren’t paying attention, I cannot afford not to.

I attribute my conciencious habits to two things: my car, and my driving teacher, Dad. The Fusion definitely helps mostly because of it’s manual transmission. It forces me to always be busy driving and nothing else. Dad gets most of the credit however. He was the one who taught me all the rules of the road, to yield at all times, and to always use your signals.

Quite honestly, I wish every human being who drives was tought by my Dad. Then perhaps half of the bad habits that exist today. Such as:

1. Riding Ass: Perhaps one of the most annoy and infuriating habits. It just one of those things where you just want to stop them and ask: “What the fuck is so interesting on my bumper?!?” … But I can’t. The most you could do is brake-check ‘em and hope you get some kind of insurance money if they hit you. Something I’m not willing to do with a car my parents still legally own.

2. Lane Jumping: Frogger’s worst nightmare. These douchebags change between lanes, either attempting to get from point-A to point-B faster (which usually doesn’t happen), or attempting to piss everyone off (which usually does happen). Add some traffic jams and a lack of signaling, and you’ve got a wonderful recipe for “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!”

3. Lane Block: Similar to the infuriating “cock block”. Imagine that you’re trying to merge onto a freeway from the access road. But wait! Here comes Kim Kardashian in her husband’s pimped-out ESCALADE! I always wondered what this bitch is thinking: “Oh, look at the college student’s super-cute Ford. And look! He has a super-cute flashlight! Awww, it’s blinking in a super cute amber! Oh, well there he goes on the exit ramp! Buh-bye!” Meanwhile, I can neither speed up to pass her, or slow down to get behind her. Why? Because there are thirty other assholes successfully executing the first two habits of dickheads. I spend the rest of my time on the exit ramp thinking of ways to run Kim Kardashian over with her husband’s pimped-out ESCALADE!

Why is the Government Run by Retards?

*The follow is my opinion. They are neither right, wrong, or even true. Don’t take it personally if my views do not align with your own. My advice: write your own damn blog on why my ideas suck ass.

Now, onto the government beat down…

Is it a harsh question? Absolutely NOT. It is very fair to say that the people who are in charge of how the federal government operates have the IQ equivalent to that of a stick in the mud. Perhaps not in comparison to the law and doctoral degrees they’ve bought, but when matched up to some of the outlandish decisions that have been made these last three years, you can’t help but think “who the fuck voted for these guys”?

A better question would be “who the fuck did these guys pay to vote for them?”

I mean really, does spending nearly $750 million sound sensible for campaign expenses? That is, after all, how much President Obama spent to get his black ass in the Oval Office. In one month alone, Obama spent $53 million for campaign advertisements. If frivolous spending is on the agenda to be tackled, why don’t we start with how much money actually goes into “taking care of” those in charge of making the rules?

But I digress from what I really want to complain about: the budget plans.

Let me start by saying how much we the American people are in debt to ourselves: $14.7 trillion. Yep, that’s right. Over the last 200 years, the government owes us $14.7 trillion of our own money. Sounds pretty silly, right?

Not as silly as what exactly led up to this outrageous debt, and how some Republicans and Democrats want to cut that debt down. Maybe this “pie” chart will help put things into perspective…

I can easily see the obvious questions: “How do we owe $1.65 trillion?” “How exactly do politicians think cutting $61 billion is going to help?” “How are we going to make up the difference?”

Well, answering the first question is a piece of cake. The United States has a lot of civil services for its citizens, at least compared to the majority of the world’s nations. Things like Medicaid, Social Security, a joke named FEMA, and a global-wide national military (does that make sense? Eh, not really) cost money. A LOT of money.

The second question is a little less straight forward. The $61 billion cut set by the Republicans is meant to be permanent and slowly cut away at the deficit, the same way with the $33 billion from the Democrats. However, the fact that arguments over this meager amount has nearly shut Capitol Hill down just seems fucking stupid.

The last question is… impossible to answer. I kid you not, while Americans in general acknowledge that government spending has to be revised, no one knows how, or more likely wants, to fix it.

Much of the proposed cuts slices and dices many social services, chiefly, Medicaid and citizen entitlements. Imagine the number of people you’ll piss off if you cut those two pointless services. Oh no! You can’t get rid of entitlements! I’m a senior citizen who didn’t properly prepare for my retirement! How will I afford pills and talc powder?!

I’m sorry, but watching grandmother, who has lived happily on a farm her whole life, and my parents, who have been frugally saving into their retirement funds since ten years before I was born, I find it hard to find any sympathy in my heart for those who thought they could live off the “entitlements” the government said would be provided. Quite honestly, anyone who relies completely on an organization to provide you with money they don’t really have is fucking retarded. It’s not the responsibility of the government to spend other American’s hard earned taxes for your failure to prepare for your senior age. And while I do recognized there is a small percentage of senior citizens who genuinely had no opportunity to prepare for the future, this SMALL percentage is the real percentile that deserves the “entitlement” the government can actually afford. Everyone else can reap what they fucking sow

That’s really all that it comes down too. The government is spending money it doesn’t have. Does that make any sense to anybody? Try using that excuse when paying your apartment rent. The land lord will laugh, hard, then point at the road and say “get the fuck out”.

To quote Metallica, it sad but true. And part of the extra, unnecessary spending goes into the military. As much as I hate to say it (my father served as a Captain in the Air Force, and I have mad respect for all members of the Armed Forces), serious cuts will have to be made on the military to break even. Seriously, think about it. We don’t need our finger in everybody else’s business to ensure our “national security” (Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Labia). It was extremely fair for Republicans, a party historical sided with the Armed Forces and veterans, to point out to President Obama exactly how much each cruise missile costs ($1 million a piece), not to mention the fuel and logistics of relocating troops all over the freaking world. There are much more efficient ways to keep America safe and maintain our world power presences. And while some will criticize me for not caring about the plight of struggling nations, I say to them “we need to solve our own problems before we can help others with their own.”

The last thing I would like to point out is tax cuts and who should get them. Natural human compassion would encourage us to believe the poor should get the bigger share of cuts, and the rich (everything from CEO to global corporations) should be taxed. I say, human compassion is a farce, at least, in a capitalistic society. Does it really make sense to rob the people who employ the rest of the nation? How are you supposed to pay or hire people when you don’t have money to do so?

The Democrats would argue that tax breaks would encourage the exploitations of the weak and poor. I argue that so long as blood sucking unions exist, such exploitations are less likely than lay-offs. Hey, you want proof that businesses are capable of taking good care of themselves? Ford. No bail outs, no tax breaks, no government buy outs or supervisors. Just good-ol’ “will-to-survive” and some innovative new products. Now their rolling in the big bucks and not owing a single dime to the American people.

Naturally, I could not possibly list all the problems there are with how the government is run today. Actually, I could, but I don’t have the time. The simplest advice I can give to help move our great nation in the right direction would simply be to get out and vote. Don’t let retards and the irresponsible be the one who vote in politicians who think just like them. And certainly, don’t vote for the goof-tits who think throwing money into a fire to keep warm is a good idea. Or soon enough, we the American people will be paying more than just our money.

Donald Trump for President.

Paul Ryan for VP.

Drea Garza for Senator.

Why Emo Kids (Probably) Shouldn’t Live in Texas

Awesome! First post ever. Don’t mind me much, just try to find some humor in my rambling thoughts, whether it be something as silly as peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or something serious like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

So, I don’t know about you, but I find emo(tional) boys and girls as some of the most ironic and useless members of society on Earth. I mean seriously, c’mon. Have you heard of some of their sayings and quotes? For example:

“End discrimination. Hate EVERYONE.”

“I cry in the rain to hide my tears.”

“Even roses have thorns.”

“I fucking hate life.”

It’s all bullshit. And it’s easy to tell who the posers are and who are genuinely creepy and scary as hell. Generally, the real emos are the one’s who don’t talk to anyone. They don’t have to wear black hoodies or purple and gray socks for you to just sense the aura of “stay-the-fuck-away-from-me-while-I-contemplate-my-suicide.” And really, you can’t categorize these people as “emo”, but rather as people who really do need some kind of social help and real love.

The posers are the one’s who really do define the “emo” sub-culture. Imagine Edward “Glitter-Fag” Cullen and Bella “Biting-Fetish” Swan. These over-hyped fictitious characters are perfect examples of the real-world wannabes. Bella represents chicks who want “sensitive guys”, but feels like a stupid loser. Chances are, they are stupid losers. Edward is also the embodiment of what all loner little boys behave and think like: ashamed of his homosexual behavior and sparkling skin, and the perpetuator of needlessly complicated relationships.

It’s annoying enough that these people exist already. It’s even more depressing (and confusing) that some exist in Texas.

Think about it for a few seconds, and then look at the example quotes I’ve posted. Do you honestly think anybody who says “I cry in the rain to hide my tears” lives in Texas? We haven’t had any rain since February. Give me a break. If you’re really desperate, go sob in the shower. At least no one will see a dork standing in the rain (if we ever get any) and think “What a dumb ass, standing in the rain with no umbrella.” If you really have to have the genuine sky juice, move somewhere like Seattle or Portland. Makes more sense that way.

This leads to my next point: “End discrimination. Hate everyone.” As a natural cynic and pessimist, I find this statement as pointless as pouring sugar on grape jelly. Anybody who’s been to Texas knows that this state has the most hate groups than any other state. So saying “Hate everyone,” doesn’t make you anymore special than the white supremacist or the Cesar Chavez support group. Just join the club, or GTFO.

“Even roses have thorns.” -____- Your grasp of the obvious is a source of inspirement and head-shaking to all. No shit, Sherlock. Of course roses have thorns! You want a rose without thorns? Take the two minutes you need to clip them off the stem. That is, if you don’t cut your wrists with the clippers before hand. Really, Texas hardly gets enough rain to grow roses. What do we have instead? These awesome weeds called Bluebonnets! These things grow everywhere and scream to people driving on the freeway: “Fuck yeah! Admire my beasting awesomeness!” The best part: no thorns. Cry about that in the shower, emo boi.

“I fucking hate life.” Well, I really don’t have to make fun of this one. It is after all the most common fall back quote when all emo posers are questioned about their fake depression. The statement alone just generates annoyance in everyone’s mind. You hear it everywhere: Facebook, My(ghetto)Space, song lyrics, politicians, etc. The worst part is when there’s no really legitimate reason or cause for the unnecessary hatred for existence. It just raises the question “Why then are you so goddamn mopey? Stop your bitching and go ride a unicorn, or punch a dolphin.”

So, now that I’ve said my piece, don’t be afraid to criticize my prejudice against the emo poser genre. Or re-post. Since I myself am not emo or depressing, my feelings won’t be hurt, and I will have no urges to cry in the shower… among other habits.

Cheers!

-B. Schrader SVO